


Hey Alexa, how much does a life cost?

by smol_wonton



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Binnie is a boomer, Chan wants to be a father, Fluff, Jisung is bullied, Kissing, M/M, Memes and Dreams, Woojin rejects Parenting, a whole rollercoaster, minsung fall HARD, put f in chat for chans destroyed sleep schedule, rated teen because of swearing and shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-22 14:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20875568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smol_wonton/pseuds/smol_wonton
Summary: A chat fic that was my psychotic brainchild of coffee at 3am.---------------------------------------------------------------Mama Bear: Can this chat not wake me up so early?CatDaddy: omg sorrySquirrel: s o r r yPuppy: SILENCE YOUR PHONE, YOU PLEB





	1. Respect the Drip, Karen

_Chic Chic Bang added dramaprincess, Squirrel, MintChoco, Yeetlix, Mama Bear, foxtrot, puppy and Binnie to a chat_

Chic Chic Bang: Listen up, boys

Yeetlix: boiis*

Chic Chic Bang: Gonna pretend I didn’t see that. 

MintChoco: why am I here, chan

foxtrot: WHO ARE Y’ALL

Squirrel: better question, who even says y’all anymore

Chic Chic Bang: I-

Mama Bear: Can we listen to Chan, please

Chic Chic Bang: thank you :D

Chic Chic Bang: You all said that you needed friends. So can we PLEASE introduce ourselves?

Chic Chic Bang: I’ll start. I’m Bang Chan, a music production major who is in senior year.

Squirrel: uhhhhhhh 

Squirrel: Since no one else is going, I’m Han Jisung. I’m ALSO a music production major but I minor in English. Oh yeah I’m also a freshie.

MintChoco: I’m Lee Minho, Dance Major 

Yeetlix: Wait-

Yeetlix: Minho?

MintChoco: ...Felix?

Yeetlix: Oh no

Mama Bear: What do you mean ‘oh no’ ?

MintChoco: bitch finish your segment for the dance

Yeetlix: im SORE

MintChoco: DOES THAT CHANGE THE DUE DATE???

MintChoco: just finish it by Friday, fool

Yeetlix: ;-; 

Yeetlix: Mom, I’m scared.

Chic Chic Bang: I see SOME of you already know each other

Yeetlix: yup

MintChoco: yup

Yeetlix: WE ARE ONE AND THE SAME BRO

MintChoco: ew

Mama Bear: Are we still doing introductions?

foxtrot: I was busy, what’s going on?

Chic Chic Bang: Introduce yourself.....

foxtrot: I’m Jeongin but you can call me Innie! I’m a senior in high school

Squirrel: A whole ass baby

foxtrot: You are one year older than me

Squirrel: So?

foxtrot: Am I allowed to kick this fool?

Mama Bear: No.

Mama Bear: I’m Woojin, also a college senior like Chan, and I major in education. 

dramaprincess: And tell me why my phone has a billion messages?!?!

Squirrel: Ah so you live up to your name, huh?

dramaprincess: Yes, I do. Tank you for noticing

foxtrot: tank

Yeetlix: tank

MintChoco: tank

dramaprincess: fuck you guys

MintChoco: no thanks

dramaprincess: I’m Hyunjin, a freshman dance major

MintChoco: ...

Yeetlix: ...

dramaprincess: oooooooooooooooh hi guys

Puppy: Im Seungmin, a sophomore who is majoring in photography

Yeetlix: uwu hello boii

Puppy: but why

Squirrel: Yo Chan

Chic Chic Bang: hyung*

Chic Chic Bang: What’s up, kid

Squirrel: Where’s Changbin?

Binnie: In the studio actually working. Unlike you.

Yeetlix: 🐸🍵

Squirrel: GOTTA GO BYE

Chic Chic Bang: If he doesnt respond for a while, its because Changbin has confiscated his phone.

MintChoco: Is anyone free in an hour?

foxtrot: me

Puppy: i am as well, why?

Yeetlix: Don’t you have history of dance in an hour?

MintChoco: Imma ditch

Chic Chic Bang: No

MintChoco: YeS

MintChoco: YouR nOt mY dAD

Squirrel: I like this one a lot :)

MintChoco: :)

Binnie: I can see you, Sung

Squirrel: NONONKPNHSEIEEIWUWBKDO

Puppy: I’m gonna assume he is dead now

MintChoco: •-• 

Chic Chic Bang: You arent wrong

MintChoco: I’ll meet the kids who are coming at the Violet Cafe

Puppy: I dont have my wallet...

MintChoco: I’ll pay, kiddo

foxtrot: for me too????

MintChoco: Sure 

foxtrot: sorry chan hyung, minho hyung is my favorite 

Chic Chic Bang: Where did i go wrong as a father?

Mama Bear: You??? Arent a??? father???

Chic Chic Bang: STOP INSULTING ME

MintChoco: Do any children require a ride?

foxtrot: I do!

Puppy: I can get there

MintChoco: Okie

Squirrel: WAIT- I wanna go!!!

Binnie: I’ll let him live

Binnie: For now

Yeetlix: Who’s emo mcemo over here?

_ Squirrel changed Binnie’s name to Emo McEmo_

Emo McEmo: You are dead meat, Jisung

Squirrel: IM NEVER GOING BACCK

MintChoco: I’m here, Innie

MintChoco: Come here, Jisung. I’ll save you

foxtrot: Okay!

Squirrel: Gotcha

_Private chat between 🐺Wolfie🐺 and 🐿I Like Nuts🐿_

🐿I Like Nuts🐿: Mom, I love him

🐺Wolfie🐺: 1. I am your dad

🐺Wolfie🐺: 2. Who is it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I will try to post regularly but ehhhhh we will see bout that.
> 
> Thank you for reading <3


	2. Hyunjin: The Neighborhood Thiccy

_Private chat between 🐺Wolfie🐺 and 🐿I Like Nuts🐿_

🐺Wolfie🐺: I will repeat, who is it

🐿I Like Nuts🐿: Minhohyungisreallyniceandsweet

🐺Wolfie🐺: OH HO HO

🐿I Like Nuts🐿: Oh shit

Read at 11:58am

_Can you spare me a yeet, sir? (9)_

_12:01pm_

foxtrot: can minho and jisung stop staring at each other for one second

Squirrel: i can read you know

foxtrot: Sorry I thought you were illiterate

Squirrel: EYE-

Puppy: He probably is just having Minho hyung read it for him

Squirrel: ugh children

dramaprincess: 🐸🍵

MintChoco: quiet, cunt.

dramaprincess: i didnt say anything, bitch

Squirrel: Dont talk to hyung like that! òwó!

Yeetlix: OwO

Chic Chic Bang: Get it, Sungie

Squirrel: chan hyung...wdym????

Puppy: This is a mess. A whole ass mess.

Yeetlix: Do I smell the sweet smell of WHIPPED

MintChoco: Get back to class, Lix

Sauirrel: I am: confused

foxtrot: Are you really that oblivious?

Squirrel: ???

MintChoco: ???

Chic Chic Bang: Hopeless...

Emo McEmo: How the fuck do you change your nickname

dramaprincess: what a boomer

Chic Chic Bang: Be respectful to your elders, Hyunjin

dramaprincess: what a boomer hyung*

Chic Chic Bang: *face palm* not what i meant, kid

Emo McEmo: We arent in some wack ass roleplay chat

Emo McEmo: You dont TYPE FACE PALM

_ Yeetlix changed Yeetlix’s name to ☀️Sunshine☀️_

☀️Sunshine☀️: Much better

Emo McEmo: HOW DO YOU DO THAT?!?!

☀️Sunshine☀️: Here, Ill do it for you

_☀️Sunshine☀️ changed Emo McEmo’s name to antimemer_

antimemer: somehow thats worse

foxtrot: YOU GUYS EONT GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED

Puppy: Its actually quite interesting

foxtrot: The female server just winked at Jisung and Minho FUCKING SCOWLED, I SWEAR!!

MintChoco: Did not!

Squirrel: ???

foxtrot: DID TOO!

Chic Chic Bang: and i oop-

_Private Chat between DanceyBoii and DolphinBoii_

DanceyBoii: Dont be a rat

DolphinBoii: But-

DanceyBoii: Its not your business, kid

DolphinBoii: Sorry, hyung •_•

DanceyBoii: Its fine

_Read at 12:14pm_

_Can you spare me a yeet, sir? (9)_

_3:18pm_

Chic Chic Bang: I’m surprised that you guys havent talked in the past couple of hours

Mama Bear: They are in class, honey

Chic Chic Bang: Oh, youre right thx

dramaprincess: honey?

Chic Chic Bang: Yes, child. We are dating

dramaprincess: Whoa. I have 2 sets of parents now 

Mama Bear: We arent parents tho...

Chic Chic Bang: #1 Dad

dramaprincess: Does anyone have the math homework?

Puppy: I’m sitting right next to you, and yes, I do have it

☀️Sunshine☀️: What homework?

Squirrel: Whomst?

Puppy: You guys are dumb, come to the library so you can finish

Squirrel: Cant

Puppy: Care to explain why?

MintChoco: hes busy

Puppy: With?

Chic Chic Bang: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm sus if you ask me

MintChoco: Eh hem, he is with me and currently crying over an anime

Puppy: That aint busy

Chic Chic Bang: HES AT YOUR DORM?!?!

Chic Chic Bang: My poor innocent child being corrupted

MintChoco: I’m not??? corrupting???

Squirrel: His couch is comfier than mine and he promised me cheesecake if i could beat him in rock paper scissors

Squirrel: I was hungry, sleepy and somehow was blessed by the gods above to win so i followed him to his dorm

MintChoco: ^

Puppy: Sus

Squirrel: Leave me, minho, and our cheesecake in peace

dramaprincess: minhoooooo

MintChoco: Whaaaaaaaaat

dramaprincess: Come to the studio soon okay? We actually have to choreograph some stuff

MintChoco: Mkay I will. Once Sungie finishes the cheesecake, Ill walk to the studio

dramaprincess: Need to walk off that cake

MintChoco: I barely ate any!!!!

☀️Sunshine☀️: Eggsplain the walking then

MintChoco: My car is in the shop because SOMEONE ruined my hood

dramaprincess: SoRrY

MintChoco: SORRY DOESNT FIX YOUR THICC ASS MAKING A DENT IN MY HOOD

☀️Sunshine☀️: If HIS butt made the dent, he should have a thiccc butt, ass is a little too generous 

MintChoco: You better pay for it too, Bean Pole

foxtrot changed dramaprincess’s name to thiccbeanpole

☀️Sunshine☀️: When did you get here?!?!

foxtrot: lurking, always lurking

☀️Sunshine☀️: scary...

thiccbeanpole: im not THICC

MintChoco: YES YOU ARE

MintChoco: Wait- Where’s Jisung?

MintChoco: Jisung???

Chic Chic Bang: You did not just lose one of my children, minho

Mama Bear: WhAT ChILd

Mama Bear: Last time I checked, the number of children we have is 0

_Private message between Minnie and Sungie_

Minnie: Where are you, Sungie? 

Minnie: Sungie?

Sungie: Omg I’m sorry i just ditched. You said in chat that you were gonna leave when I finished so i just dipped

Minnie: You had me so worried...

Minnie: I’m glad you are okay

Sungie: Id love to chat but you are probably at practice and i need to go to class

Minnie: You’re right. Cya later

Sungie: See ya!

_Private chat between binthealtoidstin and CatLady_

CatLady: Ugh I think I caught feelings

binthealtoidstin: Minho? You gud? You usually don’t catch feelings 

CatLady: THATS THE ISSUE!! WHAT DO I DOOOOOOO

CatLady: BINNIE PLS HELP

binthealtoidstin: oop it seems you are on your own sir

CatLady: Pleeeeeaaaaassse

_binthealtoidstin changed CatLady’s name to caughtfeelings _

binthealtoidstin: nope


	3. There Arent Any Cats in Prison

_ Can you spare me a yeet, sir? (9) _

_ Chic Chic Bang changed MintChoco’s name to CatDaddy _

CatDaddy: But why

Chic Chic Bang: Cause it’s true

antimemer: seems familiar...

foxtrot: Da...ddy?

CatDaddy: Oh hell no

CatDaddy: I ain’t your daddy

Puppy: wow clowning so early

CatDaddy: well maybe cause SOMEONE had to change my name

Squirrel: hebhehdbsjalwhebd

Chic Chic Bang: Good morning

Squirrel: fuvk yoi top 

CatDaddy: So...articulate

Squirrel: da fuck does that mean

Chic Chic Bang: Aww look he gets more literate as he wakes up

CatDaddy: Sometimes I question your intelligence 

☀️Sunshine☀️: You should always question his intelligence 

Squirrel: Shut up, you are sipping the same amount of dumbass juice

_ CatDaddy changed ☀️Sunshine☀️’s name to dumbass juice _

Mama Bear: Can this chat not wake me up so early?

CatDaddy: omg sorry

Squirrel: s o r r y

Puppy: SILENCE YOUR PHONE, YOU PLEB

Chic Chic Bang: Aww babe you should have silenced your phone

dumbass juice: 🤢

Mama Bear: I can’t silence it when I’m asleep... And Minnie...rude 

Chic Chic Bang: Dont 🤢 me Felix 

dumbass juice: disgustang 

_CatDaddy changed Chic Chic Bang’s name to disgustang_

CatDaddy: Sweet revenge at last

disgustang: should I say that you like [redacted]?

CatDaddy: you wouldn’t dare

disgustang: Bet

Puppy: Can I go back to bed?

foxtrot: nah the tea is too hot

Squirrel: ^

Puppy: Dammit

antimemer: can we please stop renaming people

antimemer: I have no idea who anyone is anymore

CatDaddy: I feel like you should know who I am

CatDaddy: unless you are a complete and utter idiot

antimemer: nvm I know now

thiccbeanpole: ✨✨Good morning, beautiful people✨✨

Squirrel: good morning hyunjin!

thiccbeanpole: how are you?

Squirrel: little sleepy, you?

thiccbeanpole: feeling radiant and beautiful 

thiccbeanpole: now if you’d excuse me, I must complete my hour long face routine

Squirrel: bye!

CatDaddy: where were we?

Squirrel: Binnie hyung is a complete and utter idiot 

CatDaddy: ah yes

antimemer: REALLY?!

antimemer: the world is against me at this point

_ Bitch Central (4) _

LoudBitch: I have the slight urge to tell minho my feelings

SmartBitch: ????That’s really impulsive???

PrettyBitch: Dont do it bud

PrettyBitch: I didn’t fake leave to save my ass from Minhos rage for nothin

LoudBitch: ???

SmartBitch: He was so mad...

LoudBitch: he wasn’t mad, guys

LoudBitch: he didnt say jack shit

AussieBitch: Uhhhh I think the fuck not

LoudBitch: y’all are insane

PrettyBitch: why are you so blind???

_ Can you spare me a yeet, sir? (9) _

Squirrel: Suck my dick, you guys are blind

Squirrel: damn it wrong chat

CatDaddy: I would really love to know the context

Squirrel: @thiccbeanpole @dumbass juice you guys made me lose my shit in main 

Squirrel: thanks a lot

Puppy: @CatDaddy it was our 2000 liner chat

foxtrot: the one you hags don’t include me in? 

Puppy: yeah that one

foxtrot: f u too

CatDaddy: Ah. Gotcha

disgustang: there shall be no sucking of dicks in this chat

Squirrel: I’m so fucking ready to throw hands

_ Private chat between Minnie and Sungie _

Minnie: You good?

Sungie: They were just talkin about me being oblivious when there is NOTHING to be oblivious to

Sungie: Sorry, sister snapped

Minnie: Don’t be sorry 😂 

Minnie: Wanna come over? I’m not doing anything rn

Sungie: Sure :D 

Sungie: Be there in 10

_ Private chat between binthealtoidstin and caughtfeelings _

caughtfeelings: god dammit

binthealtoidstin: what?

caughtfeelings: he’s too cute

binthealtoidstin: imma just let you be

caughtfeelings: binnie help me bruh

binthealtoidstin: fuck you, you need to learn without me

caughtfeelings: fuck me? Maybe 

binthealtoidstin: no you horny piece of shit, god made you ambidextrous for a reason

binthealtoidstin: btw I’m gonna be in the studio until 10pm

caughtfeelings: mkay

_ Can you spare me a yeet, sir? (9) _

thiccbeanpole: sorry sung, I was just saying what I saw

Squirrel: I don’t want to talk to you rn

dumbass juice: Jisung!

CatDaddy: leave him alone, will ya?

dumbass juice: why are you speaking for him, Minho hyung? He should be responsible for his own issues

CatDaddy: But he also said SPECIFICALLY that he didn’t want to talk!

CatDaddy: I feel like you should remember that I’m your dance captain

CatDaddy: cause i sense that you are testing me rn

CatDaddy: I can and WILL make you dance to baby shark

Mama Bear: Minho. Chill. Out.

dumbass juice: forget I said anything 

CatDaddy: chill out? I AM chill

Mama Bear: I really didn’t want to do this

_ Mama Bear kicked CatDaddy _

disgustang: I’ll add him back in an hour

dumbass juice: thanks for saving my sorry ass, Woojin hyung

Mama Bear: No problem, kid

—————

Minho sighed and set his phone down on the ratty dorm counter. 

Jisung turned on the couch, hearing the soft pad of footsteps towards him. A smile lit up his face as Minho plopped down on the couch. 

“They kicked me.” Minho huffed, throwing himself further into the mountain of pillows that resided in the couch.

Jisung laughed softly before grabbing Minho’s wrist to pull him out, “Come on! It’s not the end of the world!”

“Well, now I can’t annoy people!” Minho’s muffled voice was barely loud enough to reach the younger’s ears.

“Well, if I can’t hear you, I can’t talk to you...” Jisung grabbed the remote off the scratched coffee table.

The dancer’s head popped out of the cushions faster than pigeons run when they see a stray French fry on the floor. “Wait-“ 

Minho’s hair was sticking out at awkward angles and his shirt was all rumpled from disappearing into Pillow Mountain. Jisung took the time to smooth out his hair and shirt before continuing the conversation.

“So what do you wanna watch?”

“Ummm. That one’s fine!”

A bowl of popcorn, one pizza order and 10 drama episodes later, Minho and Jisung were curled up into each other. Minho’s head laid on Jisung‘s chest as the latter had his legs curled around him. Jisung had his head on 3 different pillows, each in an erratic position that didn’t even support his head. 

Meanwhile...

_ Will you spare me a yeet, sir? (8) _

_ disgustang added CatDaddy _

thiccbeanpole: I’m a little worried

thiccbeanpole: I haven’t heard from Jisung in the past 2 hours

antimemer: oh?

thiccbeanpole: What?

antimemer: [1 attached photo]

antimemer: this is what i came back to

Puppy: !!!

foxtrot: Knew it 

dumbass juice: w o w

disgustang: oh my god

Puppy: Do you think they are officially dating?

dumbass juice: totally NOT

dumbass juice: Jisung is too clueless to land a boyfriend, much less Minho 

Mama Bear: You guys are so dumb

disgustang: Woojin? I thought you were at vocal training 

Mama Bear: I was, I got sent home early

Puppy: Your singing is so good tho?!

foxtrot: u sound like a male Maria Carey!! why da fuck did they send u home 

Mama Bear: That’s isn’t why I got sent home...a string inside the piano snapped...

Puppy: o h

foxtrot: wELp

Mama Bear: But you guys are discussing Minho and Jisung in the chat they’re in.

antimemer: o o p

foxtrot: 🤡🤡🤡 

dumbass juice: we aren’t clowns, we a whole ass circus

antimemer: well they still aren’t awake

dumbass juice: are you just staring at them, weirdo?

antimemer: nah bitch, I just glanced at them

foxtrot: still creepy tho

antimemer: can I ever win?

Puppy: no

antimemer: save me Chan, I’m being plagued by CHILDREN 

disgustang: nah bruh. you’re on your own for this

antimemer: Guess I’ll just perish

foxtrot: We should spam the chat so they can’t scroll up 🙃

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I prewrote the first 5 chapters, and am considering whether to post them all soon or try to have an upload schedule. 
> 
> ALSO: Minho is super protective of Jisung in chat for reasons that i will let you speculate....
> 
> AnyWHO, Have a great day!


End file.
